Savior of Freedom
Joxer walked up to the seaport feeling very confident. "Ah, yes, the sea! I have proven my dominance over the land, now it is time to take mighty Joxer's legend across oceans!" He walked up to a large ship docked in the bay.
A guard looked at him. "Hold, idiot!"
"Hey, roadblock," Joxer snapped. "I am not your normal everyday idiot. I am the idiot known as Joxer the Mighty! And I demand to see the captain. I'm looking for a ship to travel on."
The guard froze. "Joxer... the Mighty? The one who slayed the fire-breathing dragon of Kolon? Who destroyed the massive moving fortress of the Taurians?"
"The one and only."
The guard got on his knees. "I apologize, sir. Please don't kill me. I'll go get the captain right away."
He ran off. Moments later, the captain and the guard walked down the plank. "Joxer! I'm Captain Menga," he smiled, shaking the warrior's hand. "Excuse me a moment..." He whispered to the guard. "Are you sure this is the Joxer? He looks like an idiot."
"That's what they all say about him, captain," the guard answered. "But it must be a disguise, a trick to lure his opponents into letting down their guard."
"If it be a guise, he wears it well. But no matter. We can use a mighty warrior like him on our travels."
Captain Menga turned back to Joxer. "Mighty Joxer, I would be honored to have you with us on our journey. We are on a mission involving the relocation of human resources."
"Sounds like a job for a true hero," Joxer boasted. "I shall honor you all with my presence."
"Thank you, Joxer," Captain Menga answered. "Permission to come aboard."
The ship soon set sail, and Joxer soon discovered what it was like to be seasick. It was not until many weeks later that they finally approached the shores of North Africa.
One of the men was talking to Captain Menga. "This Joxer... I'm telling you he is an idiot!"
Menga smiled. "And I'm telling you it is all an act."
"He is very convincing."
"Land Ho!" came from high above. Then Joxer came sliding down the pole a little too fast and crashed hard onto the deck. "Uhhhhhhhhh!"
"He is very convincing," the man repeated, shaking his head.
Joxer stood up. "Land ho, captain!"
"Yes, Joxer, we know that. We first saw land yesterday."
"Oh... well... just thought I'd remind you."
"Thank you, Joxer. For now I suggest you prepare your sword. Soon we will begin with the relocation of human resources." Captain Menga walked off.
"Relocation of human resources," Joxer smiled. "Xena and Gabrielle would be so proud."
The ship soon docked near the beach, and the soldiers took several small rowboats to get to shore. After searching for a day, a scout reported back to the Captain. "Sir, we have discovered the enemy."
"Good," Captain Menga smiled. "Now we shall carry out our mission."
Joxer went with soldiers as they snuck up on a small village composed of African inhabitants. "Mighty Joxer shall lead the attack! Yaaaaaaaaaah!" And he ran yelling down the hill towards the village. The villagers saw him and immediately ran off before Joxer could reach any of them.
"Joxer!" Captain Menga yelled as he and his men caught up with the warrior. "What are you doing?!"
"The village is secured, captain."
"We don't want the village, fool! We want the inhabitants! Follow them, my men! We better find them. If we don't, Joxer, then you're in trouble!"
They all walked off. "Perhaps Joxer really is an idiot!" Captain Menga sighed.
Not long after, the soldiers found the fleeing villagers at a much larger village. "Fantastic!" Captain Menga smiled. He looked at Joxer. "Joxer, you are brilliant! Allowing the small village to escape and lead us to a much larger one is sheer brilliance! You have my deepest apologies. You play such a convincing idiot, you had even me fooled!"
"Thank you," Joxer replied. "I think..."
"Attack!" Captain Menga shouted. Everyone except Joxer ran off and attacked the village. "Relocation of human resources," Joxer pondered. "Am I missing something here?"
The village was quickly taken by the superior numbers of the attacking force. Its inhabitants were put into chains.
"Three cheers for Joxer!" Menga declared. The men gave Joxer several large ovations and cheers.
That night, Joxer was walking by one of the slaves. "My name is Karaba," the slave snarled. "I hope you're happy. Look what you have done to my people. We are all slaves now."
"Slavery?" Joxer was in shock. "No, this isn't slavery. This is the relocation of human resources."
"Idiot!" Karaba answered. "They've played you for a fool. Thanks to you, I will never see my family again. My freedom is lost. And the guilt all falls on you!"
Joxer gulped, the guilt starting to set in. "Wait a minute. I don't believe in slavery."
"Then prove it," Karaba answered. "Free me and my people so we can escape."
"I'll do it," Joxer answered. There was no one around due to a huge celebration the slavers were having. Joxer found a key and let the entire population free.
When Captain Menga and the slavers returned, there was no one around. "What happened?" Menga raged. "Where are my slaves? Joxer!" He grabbed Joxer. "You fool! Why did you let them escape?"
"L-Look," Joxer started, trying to think up of a good lie. "It's all part of my plan..."
They all grabbed their swords. "If we don't find those slaves, I'll have your head on a platter!" Two days, later, they caught up with all the escaped slaves at a much larger village. "Attack!" Captain Menga shouted. The entire village was soon taken, and the slavers had more than twice the number of slaves that they had before.
"Joxer," Menga smiled. "You are amazing. Your plan was brilliant! Letting the villagers escape so they could lead us to a larger village! We all applaud you!" The men gave out several large cheers to a very uncomfortable Joxer.
"You used us," Karaba said to Joxer later than night. "You used us as pawns. You betrayed us. Now we will be beaten, whipped, perhaps even killed!"
"Look," Joxer said, looking around. "There's no one around now. I'll let you all go again, okay?"
"Please help us," Karaba answered. Joxer let everyone loose again. Captain Menga and his men secretly watched from the shadows. "The man is brilliant!" Menga declared. "His tactical genius must be even greater than that of Xena the Warrior Princess herself. Allowing the slaves to escape again so they can lead us to even more is the easiest way to find slaves I've ever seen."
The next day, the slavers found the escaped slaves at an even larger village. Soon, they conquered the village and had once again more than doubled the number of slaves they had before.
"Three cheers again for Joxer!" Menga declared.
"I truly hate you," Karaba said to Joxer. "I hate you! Hate you! You are a bastard! You are a devil! You are evil..."
"Hey, I'll let you go again, okay?" Joxer said as he unlocked his chains. Captain Menga was again watching from the shadows. Eventually, all the slaves were free and ran off.
"Follow them!" Captain Menga shouted. "I have a feeling they will lead us to the largest village of all!"
The escaped slaves were carefully tracked by Menga and his men. The group of a thousand slavers turned around a corner to find the largest village any of them had ever seen.
"Again, Joxer, I applaud you," Captain Menga smiled.
Suddenly, ten thousand villagers appeared with bows and arrows. The slavers were trapped and hopelessly outnumbered.
"W-well, sir," Joxer said, "This is definitely the largest village yet."
"Joxer, you really are an idiot!" Captain Menga began to strangle him.
Karaba ran over and clobbered Menga, knocking him over. "Take these men captive. We will send them off to prison. But this man, Joxer, he is the one who saved us! We owe this man our lives!"
The natives all began to cheer and celebrate.
"Joxer! Joxer! Joxer! He is our hero! He is the chosen one! We will forever sing praises of his mighty deeds! Joxer! Joxer! Joxer!"
"Thank you, my friends," Joxer said. "I am always happy to save people's lives... although I'm still not sure how I manage to do it. But, believe me... As long as there are heroes, I'll be there. As long as there is evil, I'll be there. And as long as there are idiots, I'll be there."
The natives cheered with approval.
Karaba walked over to him.
"Joxer," he began, "for the heroic deeds you have done for me and my people, I would like to present you with a gift."
Karaba pulled out a necklace with a small medallion attached and placed it over Joxer's head. "This medallion shall protect you. It has the power to keep you from harm. It can even, for one time only, be directly used to save your life. And, from the looks of you, you're probably going to need it. But we all want you to know that you will forever be in our hearts, our souls, and our minds. For we will never forget... Joxer... the Mighty."
The natives again roared with approval.
Joxer smiled. "Thank you, Karaba. That means a lot to me. I've recently experienced things that I never have before. The sweet smell of ocean water... the brisk winds of sailing.... seasickness... and it's all been grand. But I want you to know that if you are ever again in trouble, if you are ever again threatened by evil, if you are ever in need of a hero... Joxer the Mighty shall return!" He raised his sword into the air and the natives exploded again with cheers.
"And now... it's time to head back to Greece. I'm off!" And Joxer ran down the road at full speed on his way to new adventures. Karaba stared after him.
"Hmmm... ocean is in opposite direction."
Joxer the Mighty did indeed get lost again, but would find his way to the ocean (eventually) and then find a port (eventually) and then find a boat to take him back to Greece (eventually) and get seasick on the way (eventually), but that is a story for another time.
Go to Part 5
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